Viva Las Vegas

Possible spoilers up ahead.

So .. it has finally ended in Las Vegas. Finally, some of us can get some peace of mind. But I don’t count me as one of those lucky few. GAH. That’s my very problem, isn’t it? I’d like to think of it as a cute quirk just like Gregg’s aloofness or Gil’s obsession with all things unusual or Catherine’s lioness instincts or Sarah’s impressive self-restraint rather than an annoying habit like Horatio and his glasses (sorry, the reference just had to be done) or Callie and her Southern accent.

The guy, the two girls, and all the issues in the world. That woman was kinda creepy but brilliant. It’s a whole new other level of stalking. Art form, mehn. I ain’t a madradstalker but I’m certainly trying to be one.

I’ve followed the evidence and it has lead me to Sin City, where the who, what, when, where, and how have all been answered, but not the why. I’m tired. After a while it gets tiring. All the wanting to know and sneaking around to find the answers, it makes you a little cuckoo in the head. Que sera, sera.

“Do you trust me?”

“INTIMATELY.”

CSI 7×17

NEWS: Elderly man on scooter leads police on an 8mph chase. Elderly man loses the cops

 

“The police tried to pull him up but he issued them with a lot of profanities.”

SERIOUSLY.

***

Thank you to some awesome Farkers for this.

*dies of laughter*

 

How to bluff your way to the top

by Moritz Volz

Who is this Volz, you ask? Well, we love him for so many reasons, but mainly because he is a German footballer who had The Hoff’s [For me the Hoff is almost like some kind of higher spirit. Hoff-ness is everywhere. The Hoff is a big inspiration] name written on his boot for good luck. (For those who do not know who The Hoff is, shame on you.)

Volzy plays for Fulham but wins our hearts every time he updates his blog. Footie players aren’t just gorgeous creatures after all. He’s not stuck-up or a prude or a man-whore. He’s just funny. And THAT is a rare trait to have, not just for a footballer, but as a man. (Yes, you are NOT funny.)

Before kick-off

— Any player being filmed leaving a team bus must ensure that he is wearing headphones and carrying a small Louis Vuitton wash bag.

— Players who once represented the same club must stop and chat animatedly to each other in the tunnel as they wait to come out, even if they never really spoke to each other when they played together.

— On the day of a cup final, players must walk on to the pitch in their club suit approximately 1½ hours before kick-off and touch the turf to make sure it is just like all the other grass they play on every week. At least one player must pick some and throw it in the air to gauge the wind direction even though it is May, very still, and, therefore, very unlikely to affect anything.

Scoring

— If a player mishits a good chance, he must look down and carefully examine the pitch, maybe even treading back in some turf, so that everyone knows he got a bad bounce. If it is a televised game, he should continually blow mucus out of his nose as the camera tracks him back to his own half.

— When a player makes a great assist only to see a teammate tap the ball in, he must stand well away from the celebrating players and wait for them to come over and individually congratulate him.

Corners and throw-ins

— All throw-ins must be taken at least ten yards farther up the pitch than where the ball went out. The referee is allowed to tell the player off, but only when he has exceeded ten yards.

— All corner takers must push the corner flag to one side, regardless of whether it gets in the way. They must also raise a hand before taking the kick, irrelevant of where they intend to send the ball.

Free kicks

— Two or more players should always dispute who will take a free kick, even though they have spent an entire week on the training ground working out who will take them.

— When a player has conceded a free kick, he must pick up the ball and run several yards before dropping it behind him without looking. When a free kick is awarded and the referee places the ball in the required spot, it is essential to pick it up and place it down again at least six inches further forward, ideally with a backspin motion.

Offside

— When a player is judged offside and still shoots but doesn’t score, he must pretend he knew it was offside all along and didn’t really try to score at all. On the other hand, if he does score, he must act “outraged” and “robbed”.

— Any striker who is more than five yards offside must still either wag a finger or launch a tirade of expletives at the flag-bearing official.

Substitutions and injuries

— A player leaving the pitch on a stretcher must always be applauded, while players with equally serious injuries who are helped off by the physio must be booed.

— When water bottles are thrown on to the pitch while a teammate is receiving treatment, players must always squirt some out on to the grass before taking a sip.

— Players warming up along the touchline must always put their hands behind their backs and kick their heels up to touch them, even though they never do this in training or at any other time.

Goalkeepers

— Before kick-off, goalkeepers should always hang from the crossbar to check it does not have any cracks in it.

— Keepers must use the special adhesive power of saliva by spitting into their gloves as much as possible during games. They should also kick the soles of their boots against the post at least three times in each half.

— Goalkeepers should sprint into the opposition penalty box for injury-time corners, even if they have never connected with a header in their life.

Managers

— Any manager facing lower-league opposition in a cup game must describe the team he is facing as “well organised”.

— Assistant managers must be equipped with a blank piece of paper on which they can pretend to show substitutes the opposition’s tactical formation. In addition, assistants should shout and gesticulate in exactly the same way as the manager, only two seconds later.

Officials

— The referee must only blow for full time when the ball is in mid-air after a long goal kick.

— The fourth official must always check a substitute’s studs before he comes on, even though none of the studs of the players on the pitch were checked. It should be noted that no substitute in the history of football has ever been caught wearing “inappropriate studs” and no substitute has ever been refused access to the field of play because of a “stud check”.

— Fourth officials should always be of a smiling disposition when trying to calm infuriated managers back into the dugout.

SNIPPETS OF A VOLZY INTERVIEW

For Sarah, who is hurting and emo-ing:

Should Arsenal sell Henry? Some people say he’s looked dodgy recently…
If you’ve got Thierry Henry you should never even think about selling him. [Very slowly] No. Way.

Can you tell us a joke
[Deadpan] No, I’m German. I love telling jokes, but I’m the worst storyteller in the world, I always forget it halfway through.

If you didn’t get any of that, you are missing out. BIG TIME.

 

16 days to go!

 

WOOHOO!

Invisible black and blue

My entire body hurts and my legs are sore.

I’m walking with a limp that even Mad Eye Moody would be jealous of.

(See what I did there? Very subtle reference to Harry Potter, eh? )

I need a massage, STAT!

.

.

.

.

.

Fuckin’ basketball.

White Power

I recently came across this article. It’s pretty ancient .. two years ago. But I just found it and was shocked. I have not the words except .. WHAT THE FUCK?

Excerpts:

Prussian Blue, a “white power” band now recording its second album, is described as a sinister version of the Olsen Twins, the squeaky clean child actresses of the 1990s. It is attracting more and more fans among young white nationalists.

Lamb and Lynx Gaede, blonde, blue-eyed 13-year-olds from Bakersfield, California, have been entertaining all-white crowds with their music since the age of nine.

..

In a recent interview with the magazine Viceland, they were asked what was the “most important social issue facing the white race right now”. They replied: “Not having enough white babies born to replace ourselves and generally not having good quality white people being born.”

Narrow-mindedness has found its way into a generation that was supposed to be brought up in freedom and equality and peace and goodwill towards the entire of mankind. Children as puppets. I’m actually terrified for the person who can tolerate this kind of thinking,  seeking to eliminate a race solely because it is “different.” I pray for bad things to happen to you.

In keeping with my shopping addiction..

I’d like one of each, please.

And I’ll take them as is.

Thanks to JustJared for bringing this to my undivided attention.

I’m a material girl

Retail therapy isn’t doing it for me anymore. I need some other kind of outlet. Something more .. intense. *sigh* It’s just that I was really salivating over these limited edition England Havaianas and I just found out that they’re out of stock. GAH! After pining over it for months, that’s just how it ends. GAH!

I’m just scouring the web for other things to fill my virtual shopping cart. Things that I don’t really want or need. They’re just things to fill the void that is in my heart. (I AM SO EMO. Kill me now.)

melted “LOVE”

the lucky half

melted hearts

 

 

“Protect yourself in times of conflict by wearing this brooch over your heart. Made of black heavy duty ballistic nylon.”

SERIOUSLY. That’s what the description said.  Something to go with the Kevlar luggage, perhaps?

I LOVE wrapping gifts. And this is a lacy sticky tape. It just blew my mind.

 

Ten gajillion points if you can tell me what this gorgeous golden thing does.

 

ALL ITEMS SPIED AT MATTERMATTERS.COM 

 

And of course, I’m always in search for the next comfortable piece of clothing.

So I present to you a collection from LOCHERS.COM

Embroidery actually says: Good luck. Motherfucker.

Embroidery actually says: Cute little Fuckers

Embroidery actually says: I really need a fucking coffee.

Embroidery actually says: I like it rough

 

Embroidery actually says: Life is fucked up

Embroidery actually says: Sorry, darling. Good girls don’t swallow.

Embroidery actually says: WILL  FUCK FOR SHOES

 That pretty much sums up my desperation and depression.

 

If you’d like to purchase one of these lovely and elegant shirts for me, visit LOCHERS.COM  and know that they’re actually located at 125 rue Lamarck
75018 Paris, France.

YES.

I’m still not over France.

Fuck you.

 

Thrilla in Manila

1,500 plus CPDRC inmates

of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center,

Cebu, Philippines at practice.

(This has already hit international waters like Anderson Cooper 360!)

 

 

BASTA PINOY TALAGA!

 

If you want to see their other moves:

CPDRC inmates do Hail Holy Queen from Sister Act

CPDRC inmates do Dayang-dayang and I Will Follow Him from Sister Act

CPDRC inmates do Jumbo Hotdog from The Maskulados

 

PANALO LAHAT! 

Andy kasi eh.

I don’t usually condone this kind of behavior (camwhoring) but because Andy’s got a new toy, we are OBLIGATED to pose.

Sarah and I deciding if having Andy follow us around the city is a good idea. Me thinks not.

Fuckin’ France. Fuckin’ France-going bitches.

Navarro 2010.

Pictures after these are deemed NC-17. So ..

*end slideshow*

Goodnight, Goodnight

You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together
I’ve lick my wounds but I can’t ever see them getting better
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

Her hair was pressed against her face, her eyes were red with anger
Enraged by things unsaid and empty beds and bad behavior
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa

The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember
The way it feels to be alive
The day that he first met her
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can’t place her
I wake up every morning wishing one more time to face her
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right

So much to love
So much to learn
But I won’t be there to teach you, oh
I know I can be close
But I try my best to reach you

I’m so sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa, oh…
Yeah