Digging through the cylindrical bin:
donnery: jesus u piss me off sometimes
uneditedmara: >:P
donnery: dont stick ur tongue out at me
uneditedmara: i’ll stick my tongue out at whomever i want
donnery: how about u stick it up yur arse
uneditedmara: fuck off donnery
donnery: listen navarro – i hate when yur like this
uneditedmara: what do you care
donnery: u know i care
uneditedmara: ha.
A repost. Thanks to Teh Glooe who steered me this’a'way.
Today, I received a message in Yahoo Messenger from my friend Jay. It didn’t take long for me to realize that the person on the other end was not Jay but an impostor trying to score 20 prepaid phone cards from me. These people hack through a person’s ym account, then get in touch with people on their contact list and ask them to buy prepaid phone cards and send them the info under the premise that it was an emergency and that they will pay you back.
Instead of ingoring him, I decided to entertain myself by chatting with him and pretending to be falling for his charade, and at least do my part in wasting his time. What follows are excerpts from our conversation. Just as a context, my friend does not have a brother named Jorel or Jhudiel, nor does he live in Namibia, nor is his dad the Vice-President of Globe Telecoms.
BUZZ!!!
J: musta?
A: pre!
J: pre musta?
A: ayus naman! balita sa iyo?
J: san ka ngyon?
A: balik pinas na
J: ah ganon ba
J: hehe buti ikaw nakauwi na
J: hehehe
J: musta na jan?
J: pare may problema nga ako ngyon here
J: ganito kasi pare ung mga roaming sim nang mga kasmahan ko mageexpired na
J: ang problema wala mabilan sa filipino store
J: okay lang ba pare hingi ako favor syo?
A: oo ba
J: pare pabili sana ko syo globe and smart prepaid cards
J: okay lang ba?
(By this time it was obvious he was an impostor)
A: sige!
J: pare pabili ako syo globe prepaid cards tig 500 and smart tig 500 na prepaid
J: tig 10pcs
J: okay lang ba?
A: yung lang?
A: sige!
J: oo 10pcs globe 500 and 10pcs smart 500
J: okay lang ba?
A: oo nga kulit
J: pano bili ka na ba?
A: syempre hindi pa, kakasabi mo lang eh.
J: urgent kasi pare sure ko naman ung payment tom after lunch
J: jan sa pinas
J: mag eexpired na kasi ung mga sim ng 3hours eh
A: ahhh sige. bibilisan ko ang pagbili!
A: kamusta na pala yung kapatid mong si Jorel?
J: okay naman sya
A: ah talaga? mabuti naman.
J: pano bili ka na ba?
A: pinabili ko na sa driver. antay lang,.
J: okay thank you
J: mga ilang mins kaya un?
A: siguro 30 mins
A: ay yung isa mo pang kapatid na si Jhudiel, nagd-droga pa din ba?
J: hindi na yata eh
J: sa wakas tumigil na din sya
A: mabuti naman. bali ikaw nalang natitirang nagdrodroga sa angkan nyo?
J: hahaha
J: ako nga
J: hehehe
A: Grabe ah 5 years ka na dyan sa Namibia! Tumagal ka din! Kala ko di ka tatagal eh.
J: oo nga kala ko din hindi ko kaya eh
A: so saan ko nga pala padadala yung load?
J: thur here na lang type mo then copy ko na lang
J: para mabilis
J: pare brb c.r lang ako
A: CR? Wala namang CR sa Namibia ah! Niloloko mo ba ko?
J: dito ko sa haus nang kasamahan ko
J: hahaha
J: wait lang pare
A: bilisan mo! Tagal na natin di naguusap eh. Balitaan mo pa ko kay Jorel, lang hiyang bading yun!
BUZZ!!!
A: San ka nga pala sa Namibia?
J: dito pa din sa dati
A: May papadala ako sa iyong pasalubong, yung utang kong picture ng kabayo.
J: okay cge
J: kelan mo padala?
A: Pwede siguro mamaya ipafedex ko, pati na din yung load.
J: thur here na lang ung load kasi baka hindi umabot
J: sayang lang diba?
A: oo nga pala. sige. malapit na sya.
J: hehehe
A: yung address mo ba pareho pa din?
J: oo ung pa rin
J: san ko nga pala papadala ung payment ko sayo?
A: kahit saka na yung payment, sa susunod nalang na bisita ko dyan.
J: okay cge kala ko kasi need mo ung payment eh
J: lapit na ba sya?
A: yung address mo ba, dun pa din sa Cliffs of Dover, Namibia?
J: oo ung dati pa rin
J: tama
A: Ahhh, sige. Teka, baka naman meron kang relative na pupunta dyan mula pinas. Dun ko padala yung photo ng kabayo, pati na din celphone para kay jorel!
J: wala pa eh cge pag meron alis sbihin ko syo
J: wait lang ulit
J: brb
A: grabe ka naman, ako na nga gumagawa ng pabor sa iyo pa-alis alis ka pa.
J: sorry may inaayos kasi ako ungm mga payment nila
J: sensya ka na ha?
A: O nga pala, bakit ka sa akin humingi ng load, di ba tatay mo Vice-President ng Globe Telecoms?
J: busy kasi si erpats nagyon eh
J: mga 3weeks na kmi hindi naguusap
J: eh
A: Ah talaga? Hirap kasi ng trabaho nya eh. Marami kasing siraulong addict sa load.
J: ha?
A: diba Dad mo na-assign dun sa Load fraud Division? Yung naghahabol sa mga nakaw na load? Nabasa ko sa dyaryo nung December.
J: bkit mo tanong?
J: ows pano nakaw?
A: Teka mabalik tayo kay Jorel, sila pa din ba nung Australianong bading?
J: oo sila pa din
A: May gusto kasi ako iset up kay Jorel.
J: sino naman un?
A: Si Gabe Medina, classmate ko sa Lyceum.
J: malapit na ba ung driver mo?
A: Malapit na, sabi ko dumiretso na sya sa Fedex para ipadala yung cards sa Cliff of Dover, Namibia.
J: thur here na lang diba?
J: para mabilis?
J: bkit dun mo pa papadala?
A: Ahh sabi mo kasi “Thur here” I thought you meant by Thursday andyan na. 2 day delivery kasi fedex eh
A: Sige tawagan ko uli.
J: pano thur here mo na lng ibigay ung mga cards
A: pero nabili pala nya 15 globe 5 Smart. ok lang ba? Medyo dyslexic yun eh.
J: okay lang un
A: Ano nga pala feeling na ikaw lang taong may celphone sa Namibia?
A: sikat ka siguro ano?
J: oo nga
A: So paano mo ko mabayaran nga pala, kahit P500 lang, pang beer ko sa Amazing Gagamba
J: bgay mo skin ung bank account mo
J: dun ko padala ung payment ko syo
A: dun pa din sa dati kong account, yung dinepositan mo dati nung nanakaw natin dun sa banko sa makati ave. alam no na, hehe.
A: So, ano contact number ni Jorel?
J: hindi ko kabisado eh
J: nasa haus ung phone ko eh
J: bagy ko syo maya
A: sige bigay mo sa akin mamaya ha!
A: O nga pala, tungkol dun sa makati project natin, napilitan akong patahimikin si Code Name Kepweng. Masyado gumastos, napansin tuloy ng pulis.
J: jan na ba ung mga cards?
A: nasa may SM North na daw yung driver ko. relax ka lang, parang ayaw mo na ko kausap eh.
J: hindi puyat lang ako
A: eh tanghaling tapat ngayon dyan sa Namibia diba?
A: Alam ko parehong oras ang Pinas at Namiba.
J: oo last nyt puyat ako kaya mejo skit ulo ko
A: Ahhh, oo. Pagnag-s-snow kasi madali magkasakit. Kawawa ka naman! Nag s-snow pa din ba kahit hangang February?
J: pa tunaw na ung snow dito
A: Ahh, patunaw na.
J: kaya nga malamig sobra dito
A: Gumawa ka ng Snowman?
J: hindi no
A: Snow Tribesman?
J: hahahaha
J: hindi rin
J: whahahaha
A: pero teka mabalik sa usapan, ano na gagawin natin kay Code Name Kepweng?
A: baka magsumbong sa pulis yun eh.
J: ikaw ano ba gusto mo papatay mo na
J: hahaha
J: unahan mo na para wala na problema
A: Ikaw nalang, tutal nasa Cliffs of Dover Namibia ka, may excuse ka pagpinaghinalaan.
A: magtext ka ng tirador natin dito sa Qatar para tapus na
J: okay cge
J: ganon na lang
A: Si Tirador Bhoyet, malinis trabaho nun. Nung pinatahimik ko biyenan ko, nagmukhang suicide!
A: text mo na!
J: maya na hindi ko dala ung c.p ko eh
J: san na ung driver mo?
J: lapit na ba?
A: lapit na yun siguro
J: okay
A: kayo pa din ba ni Angelo?
J: oo kami pa din why?
A: Talaga?
A: So umaamin ka na din na bading ka?
J: hehehe
J: joke lang
J: ikaw tlaga hindi ka na mabiro
J: hahaha
A: Hahaha, sabi ko na nga ba
J: hindi ah
A: Kasi nung nakita kitang hubad kasami ni Angelo, naniwala agad ako na lovers kayo.
J: hahaha lol ndi noh
A: Hahahaha. Ano oras na dyan?
J: 1:25
J: why?
A: Uy dito din!
J: pareho nga time diba?
A: 1:25 pm?
J: oo
A: Ang galing!
A: E diba nasa kabilang dulo ka ng mundo? Inaabot ka pa din ng araw?
J: may cam ka ba?
A: meron! ikaw?
J: wala ako paview naman jan?
A: bakit nakalimutan mo na itsura ko? hahaha
J: hehehe
J: hindi namn
J: paview
A: ganun pa din, straight hair, mestizo, may scar sa left eye galing dun sa tinira natin sa quiapo
J: oo alam ko
A: haha kaw talaga wala naman ako scar eh.
J: kya nga alam ko eh
J: hahaha
J: alam ko na pinag tritripan mo lang ako
A: Ikaw talaga minsan mo lang ako kausapin, para lang humingi ng load. relax ka lang, mabilis na yun walang traffic eh
A: Kwentuhan mo ko tungkol dun sa nabuntis mong kabayo.
J: may kasama kasi ako here maya na tyo usap na ganyan
A: ayan narinig ko na busina
J: okay cge
A: Basta bigay mo cel number ng kapatid mong si Jorel ha
J: oo mamaya pag uwi ko
J: jan na ba?
A: O nga pala, may tanong ako. Wala kasing roaming ang Globe sa Namibia eh.
A: kaya Sun yung gamit mo dati
J: meron kaya
J: para sa mga kasamahan ko yan
J: sideline
J: jan na ba ung mga cards?
A: ayaw ko na ikaw kausap, cards lang ang pakialam mo.
J: kasi nga urgent
A: Nakalimutan mo na ba yung pinagsamahan natin sa Antipolo?
J: alam ko un ano ka ba
A: Buti ka pa. Ako di ko maalala eh.
J: cge cancel na nga lang
J: kasi parang ayaw mo eh
A: hindi naman kalokohan yun eh. Serious yun. Pinagusapan natin ang mga theories ni Nietzsche about existentialism at mga faults ng mga post-modernist economists
A: hehe nililibang lang kita habang wala pa si driver
J: kala ko ba jan na sya?
A: nasa unang palapag pa siguro
A: sira kasi elevator sa condo eh
J: paki sure kasi nakausap ko na ung mga kasamahan ko here
A: pakilala mo naman sa akin mga kasamahan mo dyan. Im lonely.
J: okay cge
A: Hello! Si Tingting po ito.
A: Nice to meet you.
A: Kaibigan po ako ni Jay.
A: Pero mas close ako kay Jorel.
J: ah okay po
A: Who is dis pls?
J: jay
A: NYAH! akala ko yung mga friends mo na kausap ko.
J: hahaha maya na pare
J: unahin muna natin ung busnes natin
A: business? pano naging business to? di naman ako kikita
J: hehehe sobrahan ko na lng ung pyment ko syo para may kita ka din
A: yung business yung ginawa natin sa Makati! e do 450,000 pesos agad yun isang oras lang!
J: hahaha
A: sige! padala mo sa bank accounr ko, yung dati pa din. pagnakita ko na, padala ko na sa iyo yung load!
J: ngayon na kasi nga urgent eh
J: sure ko naman huhulog ko ung payment ko eh
A: E pano ko malaman di mo tatakbuhin yung load?
J: sus naman un lang tatakbo ko pa
A: hahaha, tandaan mo, nung pinutol ko daliri mo last year? huwag kang gagawa uli ng kalokohan ha!
J: hehehe
A: tagal ng driver ko! pati ako naiinip
A: mahina kasi puso nun. di nya kaya itakbo sa 32nd floor
J: oo nga eh san na ba sya?
A: Pare may kaibigan pala ko taga Namibia. Labas kayo minsan.
A: My friend’s name is Dkembe.
J: okay
A: tawagan mo si Dkembe, ipa missed call mo dali. I sent him a message sabi ko tatawagan mo sya
A: lumalabas pa din kayo dyan ni Hifikepunye Pohamba
J: hindi na
A: Ahh, dun ka na napalapit kay Simba?
A: Di kasi magkasundo yun eh
A: nasa 14th floor na daw si driver! malapit na!!!!
J: okay wait ko na lng
A: Kamustahin mo ko kay Mufasa ha!
J: puro ka kalokohan
A: bakit?
A: Ikaw nga dyan eh. Ikaw utak sa lahat ng mga scam natin dati hehe
A: Buti nalang PNP ako kung hindi, huli na tayo matagal na!
J: oo nga eh
J: san na ba ung driver?
A: siguro nasa 16th floor na yun by now
J: kasi mageexpired na ung mga sim eh
A: ang galing mo no, alam mo precise hour kung kailan mag expire. iba ka talaga!
J: sus naman hindi pa nag elevator
A: sira nga! di ka ba nagbabasa?
J: cancel na nga lang
J: parang di ka seryoso eh
A: hehehe ikaw talagta, madrama
A: Hehe sige sorry na magseseryoso na ko
J: cancel mo na lng
A: Nagtaka lang ako kasi si Jorel 2 years na nung pinatay nung Sigue Sigue gang
A: Natuwa lang ako na ibang jorel pala yun
J: cancel mo na lng ung mga load
A: ha? nabili ko na eh! sayang!
J: kahit na kasi puro ka kalokohan sinabi ko na na may kasama ko here
J: puro ka kalokohan
A: Gusto mo pahatid ko sa driver dyan sa Cliffs of Dover?
J: pahatid mo
A: ikaw pa galit! grabe ka naman. nahurt ako.
J: bhala ka
J: sus
J: ako pa
A: ay teka may tawaga ako
A: Uy, ikaw tong tumatawag sa akin ah! hahaha. sagutin ko ba o nagt-trip ka lang?
A: bilisan mo, sasagutin ko to sige ka, mahal bayad
J: bhala ka
J: hindi ako yan
A: talaga? sabi ikaw sa caller ID eh. impostor siguro!
J: cge cancel na lang bye
A: ayan andito na!
J: sino?
A: si driver
A: ayan makuskos nga yung password
J: go
A: ano gusto mo unahin globe o smart?
J: globe
A: smart na lang
J: globe muna
A: O nga pala nagbebenta ako longanisa, gusto mo?
A: Bigyan kita discount!
J: san na ung cards?
A: andito na! bili ka muna longanisa habang binubuksan ko!
A: Bigyan kita free sample!
J: type mo na here
A: hindi pwede itype ang longanisa. dapat iprito!
J: ung cards
J: anu aka ba
A: Ahhh heto binubuksan na po
A: Ilang order mo? Meron akong Vigan, saka meron din akong British Longanisa.
J: niloloko mo ba ko
A: hindi nga! Masarap sya, bentang benta sa pnp yan!
J: puta cencel na lang
J: bye
J: puta
A: o sige na
A: huwag ka magmura!
J: ganyan ka na pala ha
J: cge bye
A: magbabago na ako !
A: JAAAAAY!!!!
A: JAAAAAAY!
A: Ito na!
A: Card No. 10293847561
A: Password: Walang Asenso Pinas Dahil sa Mga Gagong Tulad Mo! Maghanap ka ng Disenteng Trabaho!
J: Ulol.
***
And that, my friends, is how you fuck ‘em up real nice.
Dear Applicant,
As much as I am in need of your services, I am not in need of a pile of horse shit. Please do not waste our time setting an appointment and not even bothering to call that you’re going to be a total ass and not show up. Yes, it’s a Monday and you do not fuck with people on a Monday. Especially people who haven’t woken up earlier than noon since the Ramos administration.
But you have.
And now you must pay.
In blood.
Sincerely yours,
Uneditedmara
Time for a little self-mock.
If JobsDB emails, just say “No.”
Can I be Blunt? You’re beautiful.
Bad Parenting 101
One day, Mama, God will hear your prayers.
Sane ain’t no fun.
Even with better hair, still fail.
These two are currently on the 12-step program.
The words. They do not come to me.
Whoever made this was dumbass.
(From a girl who, curiously, looks like Ms. Angeles)
***
1.–Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!
Manwhores rock my world!
2.–Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
But they never do get around to acting on it. Pussies.
3.–Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.
*shrugs* Girls go crazy over a guy’s butt. Hello, Brad Pitt. What? We can be shallow, too.
4.–Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
And most of the time, girls do EVERYTHING to get a guy to notice her. Pity how much effort we put into snagging people who are destined to end up with whores and douchebags.
5.–Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest.
Do they? Because girls just love to sit around and talk about how many farts they can make out in 5 minutes.
6.–Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they’re still loved.
*rolls eyes* They will be reassured when they have done well. If they haven’t, they shall be severely beaten.
7.–Don’t talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
Why not? He keeps glancing over at that hoochie in the next table who seems to be ready for a pap smear by the looks of her skirt.
8.–Guys get jealous easily.
They’re just possessive mongrels. And when they do get jealous, they show it in the most primitive ways. Can’t you make it a tad romantic, even just for our distressed state? No? Okei.
9.–Guys are more emotional than they’d like people to think.
Guys are simple. They are not complex. They are not a bottle of win. They are genetic FAIL.
10.–Giving a guy a hanging message like “You knowwhat?!..uh…nevermind..” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he’ll assume he did something wrong and he’ll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
He will pop a beer open, put his feet up, rub his belly, and start flipping through the TV. THAT’S how obsessed he gets.
11.–Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
They make penis and masturbation jokes.
12.–A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
That is the usual act that proves he’s a moron.
13.–Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
But if they’re not serious, you’re fucked.
14.–Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
I’m sure that guys sit around trying to figure out when you said, “Nothing” if you had meaning nothing or meant something but wanted him to figure it out on his own. This is a guy’s typical Saturday night. Dissecting and semantics. Riiiiight.
15.–Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy’s confused, then we’re all confused.
Boys are stupid. Guys are idiots. Men are morons. No one is an exception.
16.–When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me.”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! He actually wants you to leave him alone.
17.–If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn’t happen that often, so when it does, you know something’s up.
He’s serious when he wants to borrow money from you, need you to bail him out of jail, or wants to break up with you. Yeah, something definitely is up.
18.–If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you’re with your boyfriend, he’s probably jealous and likes you.
If he were man enough, he’d just come out and say it.
19.–When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don’t say you aren’t. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don’t want you to disagree with them.
CONSISTENCY is the key word, men! Women need to hear it often and sincerely. Once, twice, three times is not enough.
20–When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he’s definitely thinking something.
He’s thinking how the hell women can do that bra-taking-off trick.
21–Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.
Maybe if they lifted something heavier than a bottle of beer or their hand to scratch their fat, sweaty asses, they could actually take the friggin’ punch.
22–A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
A woman has more problems that what she’s already told you.
23–Don’t be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
If they don’t take up the challenge, then they’re not that interested, ergo they’re not worthy.
24–Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
You mean girls like Angelina Jolie, Giselle Bunchen, Denise Richards, and Lindsay Lohan? Yeah, we know.
25–Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
Take what you can dish out. If you’ve been a douche, you deserve to be led on by a slut. It’s the natural order of things.
26–If you are going to reject a guy, just do it. Don’t say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren’t interested in a relationship and they will respect you.
No they won’t. They’ll tell their friends that you do the nastiest thing in bed. That’s why you have to retaliate with “he does nothing in for me in bed”.
27–Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
If the guy can ride the wave of insanity, he is worth a second look.
28–When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
Mebbe.
Oh yeah. Beware of the douchebag pictures.
The Speed-Dating Event of 2008
to be held on March 1, 2008 at 5 o’clock
at Burnt Milk Cafe, Bonifacio Heights Condominium, Taguig City.
Participation fee is Php 500 only, inclusive of a buffet dinner.
Please come in a Dressy-Casual attire.
There are only limited slots,
so hurry and secure your chance to have a Tryst with Destiny…
visit the multiply site: http://tryst2008.multiply.com
For reservation and inquiries, you may contact 0917-8410257.
***
Uneditedmara note:
Just reposting (from her) in case some of you are in need of such an event in your life. Yes, by some of you, I mean me.
It’s simple enough, a bag of cookies, a carton of milk, and the boob tube/DVDs. I am (almost) completely ignoring the fact that ’tis a Red Letter Day thus I am boarding myself up in my condo with my stash of edible and visual pleasures.
There is a twinge of pain when you realize that mocking stupid couples to buy into this shit is better done if you have someone with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut it. It is not just because I am bitter or jealous. Last year (when I wasn’t oh-so single and available *hint* *hint* *wink* *wink*), I also refused to go through the whole hoopla. It’s just like Christmas, if you can’t show love and generosity on a daily basis, don’t be such a hypocrite to show it on one out of 365 days in the year.
Some are choosing to spend theirs with significant others and others are choosing to spend it with a significant amount of alcohol. You know where to find me but you prolly won’t be able to reach me. I’m shutting off everything and shutting out everyone. No offense but this is the first time in my adult life (ie. freshman college until now) where I won’t have someone *special* to spend it with. Please, no tears. Tears are not manly at all. I’ll just be needing a few hours of staring contest with my television, gobbling a few million calories, and drowning in WHOLE milk *gasp* then I’ll be fine. I’ll have a cardiac arrest and a blood pressure that’s through the roof but I’ll be fine. No, really. Just fine.
If you are trolling for a gift for your whore, this is THE gift to give her. She will surely love it (though unsure of what to do with it. Should I drink it? It is shampoo?)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Happy fucking Valentine’s indeed!
Tagged by Lulubelle of the Bukkit Stealin’ Brigade
a. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
b. Tag seven people to do the same.
c. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag “whoever wants to do it”.
1. I am a Jill of all Trades. I can talk about almost anything and make it sound like I have an actual opinion on it. I really don’t. And people who know me can tell if I’m actually interested or just fookin’ about.
2. As much as I want to, I have not gotten my bitch on. I really just want to snap one day and start shooting people. Stress-buster and all that.
3. I just realized that I am an emotional masochist. If something is bound to cut the wounds that have been stitched up wide open, then I’m going there and re-opening those damn things until I bleed to death. Don’t worry, I resurrect 3 days later. No, I am not Jesus. That is just fhey. I am a phoenix, damnit!
4. I am a compulsive liar.
5. I might dream big but it’s the little things that really make me happy .. good food, ka-adikan, friends, a good drinking session, a book, a poem, a funny joke, things like that. But if you’ve found me something that makes me scream, “AWESOME!” like a California surfer douche who just totally rocked a pipe, then you, my friend, are fast to becoming one of my favoritest peeples in the whole wide world.
6. I’m hesitant to befriend people who are too nice. They’re really the ones to look out for. Sane people are nuts, I tell ya!
7. I’m looking forward to The Great Big Fucking Breakdown of My Life. I know I’m totally gonna get pwn3d but what the heck.
I am tagging Tfy, Malou, The Spaniard, The Swede, Elise, Marion, and Tine. (Sorry, I don’t have that many friends on Multiply.)
Stolen from Gelogs (so said Lulubelle)
Rule 1:
If you opened this you GOTTA take it.
Rule 2:
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain
ANYTHING unless someone messages you
and asks
Rule 3:
Only answer truthfully
“Who was your last?”
LAST PERSON.
1. Had a beer with
• The Spaniard. Speaking of which, you owe me decent beer.
2.Went to the movies with?
• Shelah and The Spaniard. Cloverfield.
3. Went to the mall with?
• Myself.
4. Talked on the phone with?
• My dad.
5. Made you laugh?
• Yes, Will Ferrell.
6. You hugged?
• Lulubelle, though I didn’t think she hugged back. Tear.
7. You yelled at?
• Isabella. She wanted to eat her slippers.
WOULD YOU RATHER…?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue?
• Er .. nose, I guess.
2 Be serious or be funny?
• ALWAYS funny.
3. Drink whole or skim milk?
• Whole.
4. Die in a fire or get shot?
• Get shot. Die in a rain of bullets.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY…
1.Sun or moon?
• Sun.
2. Winter or Fall?
• Winter.
3. Left or right?
• Right.
4. Sunny or rainy?
• Sunny.
5. Peach or Pear?
• Peach.
6. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
• Twirl.
7. Do you cook?
• If worse comes to shove.
8. Current mood?
• Steady lang …
IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE YOU…
1. Kissed someone?
• Yes.
2. Sang?
• In the shower.
3. Been hugged?
• Yes.
4. Danced Crazy?
• Wiggled my butt.
5. Cried?
• Gawd. *hangs head* … yes …
Since ya’ll know that the Day of Hearts (and the morons that house them) is fast upon us, I want to be the first to greet the pimps and hos a Happy VDay! I mean, hey, just because my life has crashed and burned, doesn’t mean that everyone else has to stop their pretentious rituals and reassess the more important things in life. By all means, buy out all the flowers in Holland Tulips or Flowers by Sylvia or Designer Blooms or those things being peddled by street urchins, those weeds that are they call roses, make Hallmark even richer, stock up on the cliched Cadburys and Rochers, make reservations at the fanciest place in the city, have dinner, dessert, and drinks, and shag all night long. Go. Do. My blessings are with you. Really.
I won’t hold it against you that you (and your partner) are idiots. I mean, who am I to judge? I’m sure that what you have is true love and the two of you will be together forever and live happily ever after. *snickers* So after the flowers have withered and left a decaying stench in your house, after you’ve put on 5lbs from eating all that goddamned milk chocolate, and living so poorly weeks after because of splurging for that ONE dinner *points and laughs*, and possibly contract an STD (Um, ew.), I hope that you open your eyes and realized that 1) no, she will not give up any of her shoes, 2) no, he’ll keep buying dolls and comics, and 3) your partner has, is, and will always be annoying. You just choose not to see it.
No, it’s not love, sweetheart. It’s called stupidity. And it’s a disease that I have the strong urge to purge from this world. *cocks rifle* So, who’s first?
***
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m going to fuck you with a rake.
I’ve been busy with .. things. February is looking on the up and up. But I don’t want to jinx anything or make predipshuns. Ain’t my thang. Let’s just say that things don’t seem so shitty lately. Yes, there have been the occasional “work stuff” but I’ve become very good at blowing it off to get drunk or hang or just crash on my couch.
Things are heating up for so many reasons. Hello, summer. I can already feel your salty breath on my lips. Please be gentle. I’m a little sore from battle. Be kind and treat me well.
But more importantly, the summer wind has brought us THE hottest band I have ever heard .. not that I’ve heard that many. Basically, this will be a 2-3 hours worth of foreplay. Becks with these boys is ENTIRELY my pleasure.
.
