<3

Since ya’ll know that the Day of Hearts (and the morons that house them) is fast upon us, I want to be the first to greet the pimps and hos a Happy VDay! I mean, hey, just because my life has crashed and burned, doesn’t mean that everyone else has to stop their pretentious rituals and reassess the more important things in life. By all means, buy out all the flowers in Holland Tulips or Flowers by Sylvia or Designer Blooms or those things being peddled by street urchins, those weeds that are they call roses, make Hallmark even richer, stock up on the cliched Cadburys and Rochers, make reservations at the fanciest place in the city, have dinner, dessert, and drinks, and shag all night long. Go. Do. My blessings are with you. Really.

I won’t hold it against you that you (and your partner) are idiots. I mean, who am I to judge? I’m sure that what you have is true love and the two of you will be together forever and live happily ever after. *snickers* So after the flowers have withered and left a decaying stench in your house, after you’ve put on 5lbs from eating all that goddamned milk chocolate, and living so poorly weeks after because of splurging for that ONE dinner *points and laughs*, and possibly contract an STD (Um, ew.), I hope that you open your eyes and realized that 1) no, she will not give up any of her shoes, 2) no, he’ll keep buying dolls and comics, and 3) your partner has, is, and will always be annoying. You just choose not to see it.

No, it’s not love, sweetheart. It’s called stupidity. And it’s a disease that I have the strong urge to purge from this world. *cocks rifle* So, who’s first?

***

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m going to fuck you with a rake.