It’s only been five months into 2008 and already The Douchebag has been nominated for Father of the Year. Wow, he’s really attached to this award, isn’t he? Well, who am I to reject such a violent nomination? And the reason for such an achievement? Read on ..

A week ago:

The Douchebag: Can I ask a favor? You might or might not know but I don’t have a job right now. If you can take care of Isabella’s necessities right now, I’ll pay you back when I get one.
Uneditedmara: Okay. (NOT.)

Yesterday:

The Nanny: Isabella has a fever again. And her medicine is good for this afternoon but she won’t have any tonight.
Uneditedmara: Okay, I’m still at work. Let me call The Douchebag to help you out. He’s not doing anything anyway.

Uneditedmara: Isabella is sick. Call The Nanny.

(five minutes later…)
Uneditedmara: Did you call The Nanny? What did they need? (Asking although fully knowing the answer already)
The Douchebag: Isabella needs her medicine. I told The Nanny to just buy at the pharmacy.
Uneditedmara: WHAT? WHAT?! You told The Nanny to buy the medicine HERSELF and leave/cart YOUR SICK CHILD?
The Douchebag: What? What do you want me to do?
Uneditedmara: *hangs up*

(five minutes later…)
Uneditedmara: Let me ask. Do you have a job?
The Douchebag: No.
Uneditedmara: Are you at home?
The Douchebag: Yes.
Uneditedmara: Are you doing something?
The Douchebag: No.
Uneditedmara: Is what you’re doing terribly important?
The Douchebag: I said, I wasn’t doing anything.
Uneditedmara: If that’s the case, then why the hell won’t you get up out of your ass and take some goddamned medicine to YOUR sick child?
The Douchebag: It doesn’t make sense for me to go all the way over there just to bring medicine.
Uneditedmara: SO?! So what if it doesn’t make sense?! YOUR. CHILD. IS. FUCKKEN. SICK.
The Douchebag: It’s already 5. And by the time I get showered, dressed, and going, it’ll already be traffic ..
Uneditedmara: (Mooootherfuuu…)
The Douchebag: And besides, I don’t have a car. The car isn’t here.
Uneditedmara: WHAT?! Has public transportation shut down today?! Do you realize how much of an asshole you sound like right now? SHE IS SICK. (How many times do I have to say this so it sinks in his fucking head?!) She needs her medicine. You are closer to her than I am. (AND YOU DON’T HAVE  A JOB. YOU DON’T HAVE A FUCKING JOB, YOU MORON!) !@#$%^&*
The Douchebag: What you want me to do is just illogical. To have to go all the way over there.
Uneditedmara: *slams down the phone, bangs it on the keyboards*

And so last night, I had to sprint home, it the thick of traffic to bring medicine to a child who, apparently, only has one parent. If you are a deadbeat, have a kid to support, and (should so rightly be) ashamed of your dipshit-like behavior towards an ex-fiancee, you should stop, drop, and roll at their every beckon. Stop sucking at the teat, you motherfucking cunt. Get up off your fat hairy ass and do something FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. Nobody else is asking anything from you. No one else has expectations for fear that being human is too much for you. FOR YOUR DAUGHTER..YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, FERCHRISSAKES!!!

I think, the award is all yours, Mr. Douchebag. You’ve certainly put on one hell of a performance; a performance from the heart. BRA-FUCKING-VO.