I am three days late. Fuck.

Shit. I was not prepared for this.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I should’ve done something.

Or at least marked my calendar.

WTF?!

*screams into pillow*

Okay, Mara. Calmthefuckdown. It’s going to be okay. You’ve done this before. You can do it again. It’s like riding a bike. And if you don’t have a bike, just ride someone else’s. *exhales*

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you, The (Stolen) Viggo Birthday Tribute Post.

THE VIGGO MORTENSEN TIMELINE TO 50.
by Michelle Collins
over at BestWeekEver

Ladies and gentlemen, crack open the a bottle of bubbly and oil up your six-pack: Because today, October 20, 2008, testosteroney Hollywood veteran Viggo Mortenson turns 50 YEARS OLD.

I repeat: Viggo Mortenson Is Now 50.

It seems like just yesterday that Viggo was sobering up with Sandra Bullock in 28 Days. And my oh my, what an innocent child I must have been when V-Mortz travelled with those pocket sized ring bearers to Mordor.

Let’s take a look at the road Viggo travelled to 50.

Here he is at around age 7.

Little did he know at this age that nearly 40 years later, he would be involved in a naked man-on-man fight scene in a Russian Bathhouse. But I digress.

See more of Viggo’s Road to 50, including his high school yearbook photo, ahead.

Viggo graduated Watertown High School, where he was a champion swimmer and photographer. He also had the golden locks of a Greek God… evident in even the most Black and White of yearbook photos:

His first major film was as an Amish man in Witness back in 1989:

Even dressed as a mentally ill French schoolboy, he is still delightful and butt-chinned.

Next, he played a man who liked to lick blood off of his fingers in Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III.

Here’s Viggo at 33 in The Indian Runner. God bless those dozens of directors who found it necessary for his “character” to bare his tattooed chest at will:

Let’s skip ahead a few years. Even though Big V has a real independent streak as an actor, he’s also got to put delicious protein-packed food on the table. Thus, I present to you a still from the 1997 epic film G.I. Jane:

While I try my best to never mention the 1998 Psycho remake, I couldn’t let this post pass without bringing you Viggo pillowtalking noneotherthan Anne Heche:

At 42, Viggo took on his least challenging role, as a hot baseball player recovering from an alcohol addiction in 28 Days. The men looks like a G-DD-MNED B-BY:

From 2001-2003, Viggo took part in his most challenging and fame-making role yet: As Aragorn, or “Strider”, in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Then… Hidalgo.

That’s all that needs to be said about that.

This year, Viggo was recently scene with a Cyrano-esque goatee in Appaloosa:

And coming up this year, he’ll be starring in the movie version of Cormac McCarthy’s The Road:

Hopefully, the above photo timeline will prove that the man is, indeed, 50, and going strong. To celebrate, I will choose to stare at this photo of Viggo’s signature “faraway stare”, and just wonder what in God’s name is on his beautiful mind.

Ayon kay Bob Ong

(According to Bob Ong, for my *ahem* international readers way, way out there. Hehee~!)

Pardon the English translation. I did my best .. (~but I guess my best wasn’t good enough..~) This is really intended for the Filipino language but I feel that I should share. For the local reader (singular) that we have, please help out if you think there’s a better translation. ONE LOVE.

Oh yeah, I’m crediting this blogger.

1. “Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya..”
(“If you don’t love someone, don’t give them motive to love you..”)

2. “Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.”
(“Don’t let go of something you can’t bear to see being held by someone else.”)

3. “Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.”
(“Don’t grab something when you know you’re just going to have to let it go later on.”)

4. “Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na.”
(“Don’t ever grab something if you already have something else in your grasp.”)

5. “Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin.”
(“It’s just like an elevator, why would you force yourself in if you know there’s no space for you? There’s always the stairs, you just refuse to see it.”)

6. “Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din.”
(“If you’re just going to wait for someone to come up to you, nothing’s going to happen with you’re life..get to it!”)

7. “Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.”
(“If you love someone, but they don’t love you, let them be. Who knows? The next day you might not like them anymore, they just beat you to it.”)

8. “Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa.”
(“Break up if you’re not happy. There is no cure for the stupid if not their initiative.”)

9. “Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang.”
(“If the one you love doesn’t love you back, don’t complain. Because there are people that you don’t love who love you..It’s all good.)

10. “Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.”
(“If you love two people, pick the second one. Because you’ll never love someone else if you truly loved the first one.”)

11. “Hindi porke’t madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa.”
(“Just because you chat all the time, talk on the phone, hang out, or text all night long, doesn’t mean s/he likes you and you’ll end up together. There are people who are just naturally friendly, sweet, flirt, or keep your hopes up.”)

12. “Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.”
(“Don’t rush it when it comes to men/women. Three, five, ten years, your standards are going to change and you’ll realize that picking someone just because of their looks is not a good basis. It’s true, what’s inside is held above all. After a while, even that eye candy will look like a pandesal, believe me.”)

13. “Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority.”
(“Sometimes, even if you’re on the schedule, you still have to wait, because you’re not the priority.”)

14. “Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya.”
(It’s hard to play a role in someone’s life. Especially if you’re not the lead in the script they’ve chosen.)

15. “Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo.”
(“Do you know how wide the distance between two people is when they’re turned their backs on each other? You have to go around the world just to face the person you’ve turned your back on.”)

16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala”
(“It’s better to fail at something than be successful in doing nothing.”)

17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”
(“Not everything you understand is truth, and not everything you understand is a lie either.”)

18. “Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!”
(“If you loved someone you shouldn’t have and you got hurt, don’t blame your heart. It’s just beating to supply blood to your body. Now, if you’re good at anatomy and want to blame the hypothalamus in that it’s controlling your emotions, you’re still wrong. Why? Ferchrissakes! Don’t blame your body organs for how you’re feeling! Remember: You’ll only be happy if you learn to accept that not your heart, brain, liver, or guts are responsible for what’s happened to you, but you and you alone.

19. “Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iyo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo.”
(“Let go of that thing that’s hurt you and brought you happiness at the same time. Don’t wait for that day when you can only feel the pain and your happiness has left you.”)

20. “Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang mga taong malalapit sa iyo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo.”
(“Use your heart to take care of those people close to you. Use your brain to take care of yourself.”)

21. “Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal…nakakatakot mahulog…at kapag nahulog ka, it’s either by accident or talagang tanga ka..”
(“Love is like a manhole .. it’s scary to fall into .. and when you’ve fallen, it’s either by accident or you’re just a stupid idiot..”)

ADVERTISING F A I L

This is an ad for kids’ milk. And since the market is way fierce, there’s all this “brain food” angle that everyone’s tapping into. I suppose Enfakid wanted a piece of the action. They should’ve just stayed home and played with their Barbies.

It starts out decently enough, right?

And voila.

Don’t see it?

Keeping in mind the MDAS (multiply, divide, add, subtract) rule, answer the equation.

Yeah.

NO. It’s not 14.

9 + 5 x 2 – (7×2) = 14

9 + 5 x 2 – 14 = 14

9 + 10 – 14 = 14

19 – 14 DOES NOT EQUAL TO 14.

Name: Enfakid
Subject: Math
Grade: F

UPDATE!!!

Enfakid said that the previous print ad released was a series.

Noemi, a fellow blogger, brought the update to my attention.

Edit October 24, page A24 of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

Copy reads:

The average 3 to 6 year old may not know that this test should be solved using the PEMDAS rule. Help your child excel beyond the ordinary.
*
Riiiight. Dare we say, damage control?

Rockin’ DILF

Oh hello, Gavin. I have not devoted enough posts to your hotness. And that hotness is exponentially higher because you are a dad and not a douchebag. Yes, that makes you core-of-the-sun hott. WOOHOO!

Careful when looking at these pictures. They make you wanna have many, many Bubba Rossdales running around your ankles. Shet Gavin. Anakan mo ako!

MA. I. NIT.