I’ve missed blogging. I haven’t even Twittered in a couple of days. Already I feel like I’m about to burst. But sometimes, the most important stories are those told to friends in between sips of coffee or bottles of beer, whichever is your poison. And I’ve missed my friends. They’ve always been there for me. And now that things are happening in their lives (eg. Seoul, bum-ness, babies), things are just not the way they were. I am happy for them. I mean, beyond happy. Their lives are changing and that’s what ought to happen in life, CHANGE. It doesn’t matter if it’s for the better or for the worse. The most important thing is that SOMETHING is happening. That we’re not just cruising by life with one shitty day after the other where we don’t even know when the shit ends and begins.

Things are not going so well these days. I mean, I’m not totally depressed (well, there *are* days), but at least I don’t want to kill myself everydamnday. But there are people that help you during these times are there are just people that make you feel worse; some unintentionally, but worse nonetheless. And to be completely honest, I don’t know why I bother reaching out to those that give me nothing but grief. I would like to think that I’m a pretty strong person and that I try to give everyone a fair chance, whether they deserve it or not.

It has surprised me that the people I think who know me, don’t know me at all. And the people I expect to flake out on me at any moment, are still there just waiting and wanting to give me a big bear hug at the end of a shitty day. How could I be such a poor judge of character? How can I not read people the way they REALLY are? How is it possible to spend extraordinary amounts of time talking and being with one person and then just have him/her forget how you look like? Or have two unplanned weeks with another and have him/her want you to spend Christmas with family and friends halfway around the world? CAN YOU TELL ME WHY? Because I sure as FUCK don’t have a clue.

Sometimes life feels like the movies, where the cute and handsome male lead turns out to be a moron and a half and the trash-talking and obnoxious friend turns out to be .. not. As lovely as the setup sounds, the scene (of my life, at least) just keeps revolving around this part. It never reaches the end where the pair, realizes that they’re meant for each other, run to each other (on the beach, in the street, in an airport, on the Empire State Building), kiss, walk hand in hand, and live happily ever after.

I know life owes me no favors. What I have, I worked hard for. And what I want, I need to get on my own merit. I am not like Victory Ford who has a bazillionaire boyfriend who flies her off to Paris for a romantic evening or have sushi in Miami in his private jet. It’s okay that I don’t have that. Really. (Though I would not mind one bit if there was such a bazillionaire waiting to sweep me off my feet.) But this is the real world. And in the real world, shit like that don’t happen to women like me. It’s fine that life does not have THAT storyline for me. But sometimes, I would just want to know what happens a couple of pages later because I just need something, anything so I can lie to myself and say that everything’s going to work out fine. Because from where I’m sitting, this movie looks like it’s headed for the shelf of sob stories and mindfucks.

Seriously, Life. Two thumbs DOWN.