I’ve talked about weddings before, especially right around the time Bakla and Mr. Muscle got engaged and were planning theirs, but for the past couple of weeks, there has been non-stop wedding news everywhere I turn. And don’t we all just want that perfect lovely wedding? I mean, I know I’ve always been kinda badass and independent *snickers* but I have to be honest and say, “Hey, I want one of those too.“
A & M’s beachside wedding in Bora
Altogether now .. Aaaaawwwww .. <3
But flipping through people’s Facebook albums and ooohing and ahhhing at their pictures is not helping curb this occasion. *eats more chocolate* But the more I looked through their photos, I got past the feeling of “OMG I want to have a lovely wedding where I get to wear an insanely expensive and chic dress and all of my friends will come and see me off to married life and my husband-to-be will look so handsome waiting for me at the altar and we’ll cry bukkits of tears and have laughter and champagne *(@$&#)%($#_#)*&#^&^% *breaks down*” to “I can’t get married now. I’m not ready.“
And I didn’t say it to start off a pity party but .. I can’t. I haven’t done ANYTHING in my life worth marrying into, y’know? I mean, I can’t stand in front of my future husband’s parents and family and friends with NOTHING. I should be ashamed of myeslf if I did. I don’t blame anyone. Hell, even *I* wouldn’t invest in me. I’m a volatile commodity without even so much as a business outline. I need to bring something to the table (besides my naturally AWESOME personality). And it’s not just for them, it’s mostly for me. I need to know that I am worth marrying. That any man would be LUCKY enough to even get to consider spending eternity with me.
I know I’m not marriage material. YET. Step back, ladies. Momma’s gotta get to work. 
