Two weeks have passed since 2009 arrived on my doorstep and I have let it beat me into a pathetic heap of tears and wine residue. In all honesty, I have never really seen the point in making a New Year’s Resolution since so many people falter with theirs mere days after making the damn things. Last year I made one or sort of – No bullshit. And I stuck to my guns as best I could. It didn’t work out perfectly, but I felt a little bit better knowing that I could do something I set my mind to. Heck, the ‘No bs’ resolution is nothing compared to when I set my mind to raising a kid, walking away from a six-year relationship, and laying my heart on the line. And here I thought I didn’t do anything last year.
Let’s step it up a notch this year and actually verbalize the change we want to see in ourselves. This is not just because I cannot stand to see my last post be about some guy who just couldn’t be bothered, but I need to know that I am strong enough to take on the rest of the world when it calls me out on my resolutions. It’s scary when you write something down for all the world to see or tell someone your innermost dreams *coughsoccermomcough*. The moment it escapes you, it’s as if it’s free to roam and be crushed by anyone. Well, guess what? The year and a half was nothing but months of painstakingly learning how to take the crush and let go of the pulverized hopes from your hands. It’s done. It’s gone. Your hands are empty, free to receive and grab newer, bigger, better things. Preferrably, 2009 by the balls.
Words are sexy too. Don’t believe me?
Ask Marina Orlova.
5. I resolve to read at least 6 books this year.
I have been struggling to read Artemesia for the longest time. I’ve allotted myself a few more weeks to finish it before I start groping and salivating for another bookshelf addition. But if you want to commend my efforts in powering through a ridiculously adjective-filled art history book, I have a few more in mind.
“You don’t run, not when you’re with us… You stand your ground and fight!”
4. Less ‘HATE’ posts.
Only at number 4 and already I’m attempting the impossible. Well, this blog is not known to be the happiest blog in the land but I need to balance the good with the bad. People say when I walk, I look like I’m off to a brawl. It’s true, my posts reflect my daily life. I just don’t want to break a neck being not hateful. That’s all I ask.
Because I have a distorted view of what I should look like.
3. Workout, diet, or purge.
This shall be the year that I will get skinnier/thinner/un-American and I have given myself three poisions options – workout, diet, or purge. Obviously there are pros and cons to each one and I am not quite sure which method I want to die to. Perhaps a combination of the three. But as Oprah is my witness, I shall be skinner not be fat this year.
Tools of The Devil
2. No more drunken (international) phone calls.
I’m tired of making an effort.
1. ROCK ON.
I have only a handful of regrets and none that rob me of my sleep at night. In that aspect, I think I’m doing okay. I’m not, by any means, content with life. I’m not, by any means, fully healed. There is still more to see and much healing to be done. I may need to travel and I may need to forget some people but if that is what it takes, then trust that I’ll be on that plane off to have great adventures and replace old memories with new ones.
*raises right hand* I promise to keep learning from my great friends who know the value of sacrifice, who is willing to wait no matter what, who sees the brighter side of things, who has the same dreams as me, and who are brave enough to love me in spite of my shortcomings.
5 resolutions and an oath. If 2009 thinks it’s got me licked, it’s got another thing comin’.
