After a 2-week break ..

HOLY

FUCK

THAT

FELT

GOOD.

How to get talked into doing a marathon

Uneditedmara takes a cigarette break from a long day of Facebooking. She runs into AdamMordo who’s also taking a cigarette break as well.

AdamMordo: Hey! How are you?

Uneditedmara: Good, good.

AdamMordo: How’s work? What time did you get in today?

Uneditedmara: Mmmm .. noon .. ? *smiles sheepishly*

AdamMordo: Oh hey. Do you run? I wanna invite you to a marathon a few weeks from now.

Uneditedmara: *takes a puff* Me? Run? HAHAHHAHAHAHA! Don’t be ridiculous.

AdamMordo: No? I always thought you looked like you ran.

Uneditedmara: Towards the bar, yes.

AdamMordo: Really? I even thought you were an adventure runner.

Uneditedmara: Where the hell did you hear this fuckery from? *laughs boisterously while being silently judged by AdamMordo’s officemate beside her*

AdamMordo: Well, you *do* go to the gym fairly regularly, don’t you?

Uneditedmara: *laughs some more, smokes some more* You’re funny, I give you that.

AdamMordo: Well, anyways. There’s a marathon and I’m thinking of running the 10k. You should join!

Uneditedmara: I don’t want to die.

AdamMordo: No, you won’t. Heck, I’m fatter than you and I’m gonna do 10k.

Uneditedmara: I can’t even do ONE!

AdamMordo: Well, what’s 10k? Two hours? That’s like just 2 CDs.

Uneditedmara: I could have been halfway through Transformers 2 with that time.

AdamMordo: Well, I’m joining. So if you have friends ..

Uneditedmara: *takes a last puff, throws it to the ground, stomps on it* Ohwhythehellnot .. SURE! Count me in!

AdamMordo: Cool.

FUCK.

Here we go again.

How NOT to train for a marathon, A Guideline

1. Smoke a couple of cigarettes. Decided during this smoke break that you might want to run the 10k happening in 11 days.

2. Eat chicharon NOT offered to you by a fellow officemate. Wrestle him to the ground to take the fried skin fat away from him. Swallow it whole. Don’t bother chewing.

3. Do your stretching on a tile floor. Make sure that it is slippery and you do not get enough traction. Bonus points if you have sweaty hands. Or were handling an oily chicharon minutes before.

4. While you’re stretching and doing warm-up exercises, get your period.

5. After your workout, hydrate with a bottle of wine.

Catch me if you can

Granted that I match Michael Phelps’s calorie intake, I have yet to break world records in the pool (other than how many times I’ve peed in it) or any activities that require me to sweat, for that matter. My energy rivals that of a slug and enthusiasm that of a sloth. Drinking and smoking were coping mechanisms and couldn’t be done away with. So with half-hearted determination, I set off.

Here is the list to which dirty deeds were done (classics, so don’t judge):

Athem – Good Charlotte

Click Click Boom – Saliva

Crawling in the Dark – Hoobastank

Dani California – Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Enter Sandman – Metallica

Fall Behind Me – The Donnas

Hella Good – No Doubt

Just Like You Imagined – Nine Inch Nails

Ask (for mp3s) and it shall be given unto thee.

Happy trials trails.