No sooner had it begun, it was time to say goodbye. We got along well and there was something there between us, I dare even say that I love The Viking but perhaps there were more things we had on congruence than in common; and though that may not necessarily be a deterrent to a good, nay, great relationship, sometimes it becomes the deciding factor when you have to “reassess your options.”
Though our relationship didn’t start out with love at first sight or with butterflies fluttering in your stomach when you accidentally touch, it was ours and it was something else. Objectively speaking, The Viking is a great guy who has his shit together and knows what he wants in life, more or less. He has never hesitated to do something he wanted to do, not because he thought that was what the world wanted him to do, but because he wanted to do it. Perhaps this may steamroll over some people’s beliefs but I would like to believe that his independence in thought is somewhat admirable. Very few can actually tell the world what they want without fear of their dreams getting crushed or being judged so cruelly. Sure, the man has flaws, but don’t we all?
Perhaps I am only now feeling the great depression of having to let him go that I have enough balls to write about it. Or maybe it’s the bad combination of Mickey D’s and late night internet surfing. Whatever the reason is, and no matter how badly The Viking and I have left things off, he will always be this fascinating creature that just defied all emotion and ran on logic. That is, until he met me. But before he made that huge mistake, he really did teach me a thing or two. And I have never learned so much in such short a span of time.
1. The Viking used to say, “Know yourself.” Simply put, know what you want in life, what you’re willing to compromise, and what are your non-negotiables. And then, get ready to stand by the consequences of your actions. (Yeah, I know. I’m not original. Sue me.) But it does make for a much better guideline than having to be swayed by the tide of the status quo. If you feel that your priorities are changing or shifting, then by all means, change them. You don’t have to answer to anybody but yourself.
2. The Viking used to say, “Don’t play mind games.” This rule especially applied to areas of physical intimacy. You do it because you want to and not because you’re using it as some weapon to gain something else such as compassion or sympathy. I think people are too insecure about themselves (me, included) that we hide behind so many other reasons. Why not just accept the fact that you want what you want and want it without shame?
3. The Viking used to say, “The “Why” is important.” In doing ANYTHING, you must know the reason for your actions. If they are for good or for your own happiness, by all means do it. When you run into the sticky situation though of murder due to sheer hatred, perhaps you might want to rethink using hatred as a justifiable reason. But for everything else that does not end in death or serving time behind bars, “why”, the basic, self-sufficient, and most insightful interrogative mono-syllabic sentence, might be able to guide you through some of your doubt-filled forks in the road. Know why, know you.
4. The Viking used to say, “You are in charge of your experience.” Again, with his history, he is referring to those of a more carnal nature. This is really more like an offshoot of “Know yourself,” but in a more physically intimate manner. If you don’t know how you GENERALLY like it, how your body works, and the rituals that gets you “there,” then you simply cannot assume that someone COMPLETELY different from you is going to know it. Of course, it goes without saying that sharing this act with someone you love or have that connection with just heightens all of the sensations more. But to save both of you the trouble of fumbling around, know yourselves. And then slowly introduce yourselves to each other. It cuts the work by 50%.
5. The Viking used to say, “I love you.” And now he won’t be anymore.
Oh dear God.
