Ever since The Intervention I’ve had to watch what I do. I know I didn’t have explain myself but just for the sake that I am doing something “wrong” (which I really don’t think I am), I cut back (as much as it pained me) on the boozing (1 bottle) and partying (0 parties). In any case, life has returned back to its original gray colored, tent-shaped smock that doesn’t really flatter nor suit my style. I want hips and boobs and ass and ass and all in purposeful black, damnit. In any case, I come back to this blog bearing stories that I had to squeeze out in order to keep “people” (Clinically Insane and The Chef) “entertained”. (Yes, there are a lot of quotation marks ‘coz who the hell knows what entertains people nowadays. I mean, if man-eating-a-penis is your thing, then you’ve come to the wrong blog.)
Where was I? Oh yeah, Ihaveaboringasslife-itis .. which, if you have the aforementioned disease, you should get off your ass and watch Tropic Thunder. Why? Let’s just say, you need to know why and how these wonderful things came to be:
1. Booty Sweat / Bust-a-Nut (Available at Amazon.com)
2. Satan’s Alley (Pleasemakeitintoamovie..pleasemakeitintoamovie..pleasemakeitintoamovie..)
3. And brilliant lines such as:
“I don’t read the script. The script reads me.” – Kirk Lazarus
“Don’t judge me!” *runs away with kid* – Jeff Portnoy
“Dammit, I’m Alpa Chino! ‘I Love Tha Pussy’, aight?” – Alpa Chino
“You m-m-m-mmm-m-make me happy. ” – Tugg Speedman
“Now I want you to take a step back… and literally fuck your own face!” – Les Grossman4. By far, Tom Cruise and Matthew McCannotbebotheredtowearashirt’s best movie EVER. Tom Cruise since Minority Report and Matthew since Angels in the Outfield.
5. Winning scene: Les Grossman stealing the show with Flo Rida’s Low playing in the background. *sniffsniff* Ah, memories .. *wipes tear*
Anyhoor, best movie since I laughed my head off at Zohan. (Yeah, I think I might have been high when I watched that.) If you have family problems, can’t get laid, have trouble sleeping, have not a lot of money, and are seriously depressed, this could be the life-changing film you’ve been waiting to lift your spirits and give you a boost. Or it could give you an hour and a half of WTF-comedy material. Take from it what you can. I certainly did. Been a while since I laughed that hard.
